Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
