Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
