He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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