i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
