god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
