if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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