Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
