We won't sleep together?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
