Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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