i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
