You're completely useless in the revolution.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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