I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
