My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
