I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
