i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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