You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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