So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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