Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
