Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
