You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
