i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
