you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
