Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry about my life...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
