just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
