just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
