Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
