I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
