I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So vagazzling was a success
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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