What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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