Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
