There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When are your genitals available?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
