Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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