well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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