she woke up with a sticky ear
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
