just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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