i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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