I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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