Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
this hospital has no fireball
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