just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
