She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
