Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
