just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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