Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
