shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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