Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
