that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
not ubering you a puppy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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