if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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