3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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