I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
