You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
