Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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