So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
